Stolen from because I think some things need to be said, if only to cyberspace…

The rules:

• * List 11 things you want to say to 11 different people.

• * Don't say who they pertain to.

• * Feel free to comment, but don't confirm or answer anything.

• * Never discuss it again.

1: There is only so much you can say to a person before it become a repetition of words that someone else has already said better, I just wish you really knew how much you mean to me, possibly the one person that keeps me from going ahead and either becoming a homicidal killer, doing something incredibly stupid to ruin the rest of my life…or worse killing myself…Thanks for every day…for every moment…thank you until the end of time. I also want you to know that you are a dumbass...but that's ok.

2: Times were different back then, we had each other to rely on, but now you are so far away and I am incapable of helping you as much as I wish to. I used to think we would even get married on the same day, but look how time changes us, changes…our minds. Here you are far away and only falling and I can’t be there to catch you anymore…I’m sorry…

3: You might very well be the dumbest or is it most random person I have ever met, but in a good way…and that is why I love you!

4: I find it difficult to believe in myself around you, you are the black cloud that lingers over my life. And I am afraid that when you die, there will be a moment of utter sadness maybe even regret, but I pay the price gladly in hopes that I will not have to seek your twisted approval anymore…

5: You will never understand how deeply I love you, you will continue your life thinking of me as an ungrateful prickish little girl but there is never a moment in my life, whether I slumber or am conscious that you do not cross my mind or your name does not pass through my lips. I see you now only getting older, getting more unhealthy because time has a way of bringing out the best in us only to slowly rip it away…but you are the solid rock, the unwavering guidance…although few words are said your presence has been enough in my life to change me forever…and I thank you.

6: I find myself crying at times because someone has mentioned someone that you used to be to me, not a single moment of success or even depression can expire without the frozen remnants of you flashing against my synapses to cause a torrent of years to fly by again like an old home movie. I miss your presence in my life…and I still remember that night…it will always haunt me, always scare me because it was the one moment everyone must face…death. Your words will never escape my mind, and I am proud to have known someone as wonderful as you were…Be proud of me, and I hope to see you again someday to wrap my arms around you and be proud to say that I am finally home…

7: I don’t know why you nag at me, but one day I hope I appreciate it enough to forgive myself from ever hating you at all.

8: I wish you would figure out what you want, and then inform me about it.

9: If there was a time when consequences were unheard of and I would not face any persecution or stigma…I would kill you…and I hope you know that.

10: Why don’t you shut the fuck up, just shut the fuck up…bitches can’t get any sleep around here…so shut the hell up before I have to make you…

11: Maybe if things were different and life was perfect, we could be together…